This article analyses an insular religious community's guidance literature on parenting which adopts aspects of the democratic and the psychological discourses commonly accepted to be Western, modern and secular in character. I argue here that due to its social structure as a religious enclave, the Haredi community stresses the equality of its members. When the surrounding community becomes more egalitarian the Haredi community is forced to increase its internal equality in order to prevent defection of its members and as part of this effort it incorporates democratic discourses and practices from the outside. Some of these relate to the relations between children and their parents and educators. As I will show, the loss of authority of elders, as part of this process, forces Haredi rabbis and educators to incorporate Western psychological discourse as an alternative means of social control. Through this examination of Haredi guidance literature on parenting, the article explores which aspects of those discourses are rejected and which are adopted and why. It also considers the broader meanings and implications of this process.